just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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