I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
