Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
