I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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