The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Someone came in the potted fern
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
