So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize