Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
