so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
