She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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