We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
