whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
