Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
