1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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