just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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