just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
