I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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