TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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