Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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