I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
