Got a toothbrush?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
