Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Alive.
So much puke
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize