Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
