My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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