I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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