I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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