TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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