you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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