my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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