I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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