i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
