have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
