You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
