I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
