Soap is not a condiment
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
