I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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