he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
