You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
