I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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