walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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