is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
