Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
