I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
