Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
