I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
