watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize