Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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