I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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