It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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