First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
be right there i have to get my cape
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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