well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
