Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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