They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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