giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
