just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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