My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize