he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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