Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
