I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
