Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
