I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
