I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
