to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
