nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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