This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
