I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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