just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize